Real Talk – I’m not perfect, too.

27 Jan

Hello my dear friends,

Today i’ve decided to just put all those Health and Fitness entries aside and just type a personal entry, with real feelings.
This journey has been tough, its excruciating at times.
I’m not perfect,
though i try to be, as much as i can,
to be mentally hard as steel and drill myself with the mindset
Mind Over Body“.
I battled so hard in the beginning to get myself to put on those cross trainers and just get my body to work.
I forced myself on days that i could barely walk, to just throw that pain aside and just Get On With it.
I’ve procrastinated, i’ve whined about it, i tried to give a million an one excuses to convince myself that,
I’ll work out, Tomorrow’.
Luckily, i never gave in.
I have weaknesses for junk food too,
it Kills me really, to just think about them but not allowing myself to have it.
My biggest soft spot is gummy candies.
You Have No idea, the extent i will go just to buy them. (Especially Nature’s Confectionary’s snakes and dino gummies ha ha)
I love barbequed pork too, in fact there’s 2 big packs staring right in front of me just as i am typing this entry.
(Some friends gave them to us)
I must say,
dieting would be the bigger struggle for me and most of the time the cause of my weight gain.
I guess its the same for most of us, right?
But i’m getting better,
i’m exercising more self-control.
Honestly, i think having this blog motivates me (i will not say pressure) to keep going,
and achieve my physical goals, because i want to show people that if i can do it, you can too.
And, I’m here for you, if you do not know what to do, where to start or how to carry on with it.
So every time i think about letting myself have that cone of ice-cream, i’ll hold back and just tell myself that,
‘You know what, have an apple instead, or have some yogurt instead.’
I would never deprive myself of food,
Hell No, I Love Eating.
I just switch to healthier alternatives.
So, you don’t have to Stop Eating to lose weight, in fact you have to eat more, but Eat Proper food.
Sometimes i do wonder,
why am i so harsh on myself?
Why do you need to be perfect?
Honestly, i need to cut myself some slack, Really.
But i don’t have the guts to,
because i’m so afraid that i’ll go back to the fat old Shinna,
the one always hiding in the shadows, the one who had zero self-esteem
and Never believed that
anyone would ever like her. (Yes, i’m talking about boys.)
I’ve been taunted alot when i was younger,
in secondary school by nasty boys(I’ll never forget who said what :P), by family, and
those moments have had a psychological impact on me and its not easy to let them go.
Sometimes i say things that shows my ridiculously low self-esteem which is rather annoying, because people might think i’m coming across fake,
like the way how skinny people like to call themselves fat? Exactly that vibe.
But fact is, i really feel that way.
This body, is a suit.
Fat or thin, the person inside remains the same.
I’m still striving to let that old self go, and embrace the present,
the one i worked so hard for,
the new person i’m working towards to be,
psychologically and physically,
and i will achieve it.
If you’re still hiding in the closet,
Get Out.
We’re in this together, and you are not alone.

(MJ starts singing in the background)
Sincerely and with lots of love and hugs and kisses,
♥x S.L

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